From Bride To Wife, TNBO Experience

The pressure to get married before 30

When I was younger I worked out my life in my head. By the time I’m 21  I would graduate from University, work for four years, stack up my money and by the time I hit 25 I would be married ( I guess that dream came 4 years late because I didn’t get married till I was 29)

When it comes to marriage and age, I feel there’s a serious double standard for men and women. Men are often told to wait to get married until they feel ready — until they’re mature, financially secure, established in their careers and comfortable with themselves. But women are not granted the same privilege. The pressure to “settle down” mounts when women hit their 20s, and if a woman’s 30th birthday passes without a proposal, she can be made to feel as if she’s missed her moment.

Especially in Nigerian households, they expect that as soon as you graduate then next on the agenda is marriage. The pressure can be so much sometimes that even if you’re not thinking about marriage, the seeds have been planted in your mind and it begins to turn you into a paranoid desperado.

Luckily for me my parents never ever pressured me to get married. It was more of society & people around me. After you have worn asoebi about a million times, you begin to wonder when it is going to be your turn to sell asoebi too!

My younger brother got married before me, and during this season everyone around me started using me as a prayer point. ‘Bukola this time next year you will marry’ ‘Bukola I come against the spirit of delay in your life’

The majority of my own friends got married between the age of 21 -24 and less than a decade later, half of them are divorced, I am not mocking them but I just feel that wisdom truly does come with age.

During my 20s, when everyone I knew was hunting for the perfect wedding dress, and I was working 35-hour a week and pursuing degrees, I convinced myself that I was missing out, and that I needed to marry the next man that came along. I’m glad I didn’t. I’m glad I waited. Because right when I no longer felt I needed to get married — that’s when the right person showed up, and my happy ending began.

If you are single and feel like time is ticking, please relax and enjoy your life, do not let anyone pressure you. If you start to worry about it then you’ll just become desperate and make the wrong choices enjoy the best of your single life, travel, go out, explore, live & learn. Do not make the wrong choice all in the name of “oh I’m getting old and not married’. You can choose to be a happy single or a miserable married woman. Remember you have the power of choice in your hands.

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