Features, From Bride To Wife, TNBO Experience

The pressures to have a baby

A few days ago, I wrote about not succumbing to the pressures of society when it comes to marriage. When you get to a certain age & you are still single the pressures start rolling in.

It appears that same pressure continues when you get married. The pressure to have a baby is next. Upon conclusion of marriage rites, family and friends begin to anticipate that within the next couple of months, the bride will be holding a baby in her arms.

Every time they see you, they expect to see a bulging belly; at times they speak with their eyes, staring at your tummy. If you go for a naming ceremony, or a child in the family is having a party, you are instantly greeted with ‘We will celebrate with you in 9 months’ time in Jesus name’

In this liberal day and age, you would expect the pressure on couples to conceive to have died off. But this is far from the case. The media, as well as friends and family all have an opinion on when a woman should start having kids, and those opinions are voiced loudly. Granted, these opinions are generally intended to be good-natured, however, it can be quite confronting and stressful; especially if the couple is already having problems conceiving, or just don’t want to have kids.

Just being a woman in your late 20s and 30s means the world is on baby watch—your parents, grandparents, best friend, auntie & uncle, the woman that sells bread to you —basically anyone and everyone who knows that you recently got married.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand it’s the norm, and it’s no one’s fault that marriage and children have become the social standard, however people need to know when & how to mind their business.

A newly wed woman trying to conceive starts to worry if something is wrong with her or if she has done something wrong and is being punished. She may fear that she will never be able to experience pregnancy and holding her own new-born baby in her arms. She may be freaking out that her biological clock is ticking.  She cries every time she gets her period; put yourself in that woman’s shoes.

For the sake of women who are dreaming to be moms, please be considerate. You never know what someone is going through, so be thoughtful and choose your words carefully or better still mind your business

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