I’m here for the grooms this afternoon; I heard one story that really disturbed me about the dreaded engagement list.
Before any Traditional marriage is done (which MUST be done) The Yoruba Traditional Wedding Engagement list is presented to the groom’s family from the bride’s family some weeks prior to the traditional wedding day. The gift items asked for on the list (known as Eru Iyawo in Yoruba) are packaged and presented to the family of the bride on the traditional wedding day; I shared in a previous post what was on my list.
The items on any engagement list will differ based on what part of Nigeria the bride’s family is from and your family may decide to ask for more or less items.
Today my friend was telling me a story about one of his engaged male friends who called off his engagement to his babe after being together for 3 years and engaged for 9months due to unrealistic demands from his potential in-laws. His potential in-laws knew his financial capacity and decided to take the piss by presenting him with this list below:
- Wrappers and Blouses– (George/Hollandis/Nigerian Wax)
- Jewellery – (Gold plated earrings, necklaces)
- Head ties and Shoes (Different types and colours)
- Hand bags and wrist watches (Different types and colours)
- Toiletries (Body creams, bathing soaps, washing detergents, etc.)
- Beverages and food items
- Cash gift (lump sum) –Ogwe ego
- Drinks (Malt & Minerals)
40 tubers of Yam
- 3 bags of Rice
- 3 bags of Salt
- 1 carton of Tin Tomatoes
- 1 carton of Tin Milk
- 1 carton of Tablet soap
- 2 cartons of Guinness Stout
- 2 cartons of Malt
- 6 crates of Minerals
- 30 bulbs of onions
- 1 gallon of red Palm oil (25 litres)
- 1 gallon of Groundnut oil (25 litres)
- A basin of Okporoko (Stock fish)
- 2 pieces of Goat leg (Ukwu Anu ewu)
- 20 loaves of Bread
- 1 gallon of Kerosene
- 20 heads of Tobacco
- 10 packets of cigarettes
- 1 Big Box (Apati)
- 2 Big Basins
- 2 pieces of Igbo Blouse
- 2 pieces of Headties
- 1 piece of Lantern/Lamp
- “Ikpo Onu Aku Nwayi” (Bride price) – Non negotiable
“Ncha kishi udu” (Toasting of wine) – ₦ 1,000
“Ego Ogo cherem” (money for the inlaws) – ₦ 50,000
“Ego maternity” (money for future maternity) – ₦ 1,000
“Ego Onye Eze” (money for village chief) – ₦ 1,500
“Ogwe Ego” (lump sum) – ₦ 5,000
This is one mighty list…IGBO KWENU!! We hail una!! Any man would run away after seeing this list, unless of course you are financially buoyant. This particular man in question was not given any chance to haggle in fact he was insulted the more and told to leave their daughter alone if he couldn’t buy ALL the things on the list. Fast forward 2 years, their daughter is still in her parents’ house at 33 years old and my guy is happily married to someone else.
Some parents take this whole engagement list thing far, the list shouldn’t really determine if the groom can take care of your daughter or not. Some grooms have been forced to steal, borrow and get involved in dodgy stuff just to keep up and make sure they don’t let their in-laws down… And brides abeg if you know the list is looking unrealistic, speak to your parents to adjust the list or cover your man’s nakedness and see where you can assist him… this is 2017 abeg!
We need to be money wise; there is always life after the wedding plus there is still a white wedding to pay for.